‘It’s where my magic lives’

I never thought that I would be able to reach the level of Joy that I live my life at now. It’s just something that, as a fat person, I never thought was available to me. I believed that I would reach a certain level of ‘comfortable’ and that would be it. There would always be this low level longing and sadness in my life.

You know, things like, my clothes would never be quite right. I just had to wear what I could find that would fit on my body. And, sure they were either a little too small or a little too big, and not in any colours I actually liked, but that’s just how it is for fat people.

I would also have to work jobs I didn’t really love because I’m not smart enough to do anything else. I really bought into that fat = lazy and stupid rhetoric. And, falling in love, being desired, getting married and having a family? Nah, never. Just a fantasy for me.

That life was reserved for the pretty, thin, smart people. The ones who ate the ‘proper’ foods and did the ‘proper’ workouts and wore the ‘proper’ clothes. Had the willpower to stick to the ‘proper’ diets. That wasn’t me. I was a failure. I failed at everything. I hadn’t met a diet that I didn’t fail at (Reminder: Diets are set up for failure. It wasn’t me that was failing the diet, it was the diet that was failing me. 98% of diets fail. It’s an inbuilt feature!) I could never keep the weight off. I would never be anything more than a miserable fat girl who spent her life trying to be a happy thin girl.

I still, so vividly, remember the day I came across a blog (on Tumblr back then!) which showed a fat woman who did not hate herself. It showed a fat woman who was dressed in bright colourful clothing, and she wasn’t trying to hide the size of her body, or use clothes to create the illusion of a smaller body. She was fat and posting photos of herself saying ‘Hey, look, I’m fat and I deserve to exist and I don’t have myself and you can not hate yourself too!’ I immediately felt shame, disgust and jealousy. All mixed together. (Hello, internalised fatphobia!) It was very confusing. I quickly shut the page down like it was some kind of NSFW content.

But, I kept going back to it. Like, it was a dirty little secret. I kept looking at her blog, and found more blogs the same. And I started to admit to myself that I wanted that too. I wanted to not hate myself or my body. I didn’t want to fight my body any more. I didn’t want to continue my dangerous eating and exercise habits.

And so, I started myself on the path to acceptance and confidence and love and joy. I unlearned a whole lot. I learned a whole lot. And I am still learning and unlearning. And, I sink deeper into who I am with every passing year.

My journey started with my wardrobe. I started to experiment with clothing. and through that I discovered that if I let my inner child run the show, I am the most joyful. So, whenever I can’t decide what to wear, I ask Little Lucy to choose. And, I am never disappointed. My wardrobe is an ode to colour, and to my Little Lucy, who never believed that she could dress this way, or bring joy to herself and others, just by being herself.

Another part of my journey was also realising how much I held myself back from joy. That I could very easily tap into my child like joy – you know, like being a kid on Christmas morning. I wouldn’t let myself express or experience that level of joy, because I was afraid that it would make me seem ‘less adult’. That I wouldn’t be taken seriously by ‘real’ adults. That I would be living up to that ‘fat = stupid’ label. But, the more I explored this, the more I realised that I actually really love this part of myself. I really love that I can still get excited like a kid at Christmas. Over the small things. I really love this about myself. I don’t hide it away anymore. I am too much for some people because of this, and that’s ok. Because I know that there are plenty of people who really love this about me too.

I don’t hide my joy. I live my live every day to my highest joy (well, most of the time, because I am human, and bad days are normal!) I ask myself a lot ‘Is this joyful?’ ‘Will this bring me joy?’ and if the answer is ‘No.’ Then I don’t do it. I wasted so much of my life not living to joy, and I don’t want to waste anymore (2 of the top 5 regrets of the dying are ‘I wish I had let myself be happier’, and ‘I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.’) When I let joy run the show, I am the most happy, most magnetic, most creative. So, why would I do anything else?

It is what has led me here. Everything I have done over the last 13 years, since first making that choice about my body, has led me to this point. Every course, every qualification, every photo I have posted, every client I have helped, every moment of doubt, has led me here. Following my joy has led me here. Creating these products for you.

I wish I had had an affirmation deck like the one I have created. I wish I had had candles that transported me back to my fondest childhood memories. Everything that I create has been created with so much love and joy. Every single order I pack, I pack with my whole heart. I feed that energy into every single box. I stitch it into every single embroidery I create. I infuse the magic of love and joy into every candle that I pour. So, when you receive it, you carry that love and joy with you, like a fire starter, while you are creating your own.

That is my magic.

That is where my magic lives.

I believe you are worthy and deserving of living to your highest joy every single day.
I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with your body. And you don’t have to live your life in the pursuit of thinness.

To me, joy isn’t only found in the big things, but in the day to day. That’s where ultimate joy lives. I find my joy in drinking my favourite drink from my favourite mug. I find it in the way I dress. I find it in wearing butterfly clips in my hair. I find it in chatting with my daughter on the way to school. I let it weave, like magic, into every day.

Don’t save your joy only for the big things. Let yourself experience it in everything. That is turning your joy up to 11.

Get to know me a little more

I’m married to my best friend, and together we have a daughter, her name is Matilda. Motherhood both broke me, and made me whole. She is wild spirit, a firecracker, who already knows her own mind, and takes no shit. I love them fiercely. We live in the Perth Hills with our mini Dachshund, Kransky The Sausage, our rescue cat Buffy, and Popcorn the axolotl.

I believe food is magic, and I can’t believe I spent half my life being scared of it. 

My Human Design is 3/5 Generator, and I’m a Taurus. I am here to live life, and respond to what the Universe brings me. When I am deep in my joy, I am wildly magnetic, and this has proven true time and time again.

I love to journal. Nothing brings me more clarity. I’ve uncovered the answers too many questions within the pages of my journal.

I’ve learned to embrace the fact that I’m a messy person, clean, but messy.

I love to create. Craft is a recently found joy, and I have unlocked so much by leaning into learning new crafts.

I wholeheartedly believe that everyone is doing the best they can, and that we are all worthy.

I love to roller skate. 

I like to use my voice. So I started a podcast. The Lucy-Anne Show.

I have a Diploma of Counselling and my Life Coaching qualification is from the Beautiful You Coaching Academy.  

I believe in radical self love and radical acceptance. I am anti-diet and pro self-love.

I believe in magic, and I believe that we all carry a little magic within us.